Define My Need
by quoththeblackbird
Summary: It's a human closeness that I haven't felt in so long. Something I'll never have with Gale and I'm not sure I'll ever find with Peeta. It'd mean too much to them. I'm not sure what it means to me. But in the morning, I know it won't mean anything to her.


A/N: Hi all—I'm back with something kind of different from what I've done before. I wrote this very much for myself, but I hope you enjoy.

Set during Mockingjay, in the hospital after Katniss has her spleen removed. (Katniss POV)

I don't own the Hunger Games. I do own a VW Jetta.

**Define My Need**

I jerk awake at the sound of something metal crashing to the floor. I quickly shove myself up, ignoring the pain stabbing through my ribs.

"What?" I whisper urgently to the room around me.

"Ugh." Johanna is crouched on the floor beside my bed, one hand entwined in the blankets, the other scrabbling around on the floor. "The fucking—goddamnit," she mutters.

She's knocked over the metal stand that holds my morphling drip. I'm glad that I'm not connected to it at the moment. The fall would probably have yanked all the tubes, tape, and several layers of skin off of my arm.

Johanna uses the edge of my bed to haul herself to her feet. She's got the clear plastic bag of drug clutched in her hand. She shakes the bag a little. "Good shit," she purrs as she fumbles with the empty line protruding from the crook of her elbow.

"Want me to hook you up?" I ask quietly.

"Yeah," she sighs. She sits on the edge of my bed and drops the bag of morphling into my lap.

I reel in the bag's hanging tube, which is still dangling to the floor. I plug the flexible plastic into Johanna's line. She gives a sensual moan as the liquid begins to flow into her body.

"So fucking good," she whispers. We sit in silence for a few minutes, twisting the edges of my blankets into elaborate folds and knots. The trembling in Johanna's fingers slowly stills. She tilts back her head and gives a shuddering sigh.

"That going to hold you for a while?" I ask, reaching for her arm to unhook her from the drug.

"Mmmm." Johanna nods. I detach her, then wrap the hanging tube around the bag of morphling and press it into her hands. She continues to breathe deeply for a moment.

"Want some?" Johanna holds the clear bag in one hand and reaches for my line with the other.

I do. I want a few hours of relief from my pain and my thoughts. Or a few days. Or an entire lifetime. But I'm not as far gone as Johanna. I still have reasons to live. Peeta, if I ever get him back. Gale. Prim. I know I can't drift away with the drug. Not yet, at least.

"No." I shake my head and let out a long, deep exhale. Johanna shrugs and tosses the morphling back to the floor with the upturned stand.

"You should be able to sleep now," I soothe.

Johanna nods and starts to get up. But halfway through the motion, she seems to change her mind. She leans in toward me and lightly kisses my lips. My body reacts before my mind can get a handle on what's happening. On her second kiss, my lips part to accept her eager tongue.

She clambers back onto the bed beside me, cupping my face in calloused hands. I adjust so I'm kneeling in front of Johanna, breathing against her mouth as she sucks my lower lip. I allow my arms to wrap around her shoulders and neck as we kiss, lost in pain, passion, and unfelt emotion.

Johanna eases me onto my back as her tongue flits beneath mine. She reclines on her side and strokes my face down my jaw. Our damp lips continue to meet as she reaches up under my hospital gown. She grasps just above my sore, taped up ribs and caresses the smooth skin of my breast.

It's a sort of human closeness that I haven't felt in so long. Something I'll never have with Gale and I'm not sure I'll ever find with Peeta. It would mean too much to them. I'm not sure what it means to me. But in the morning, I know it won't mean anything to her. I run my fingers through Johanna's short, soft hair. I'm willing to give her my body for the night.

Johanna strokes my skin, lightly squeezing my nipples, which are hardening beneath her fingers. Her lips find my neck, kissing and licking in ways that make me shiver. She kneads my breasts in both hands and eases one of her knees between mine.

Her tongue wraps back around mine as she reaches down my torso, gently tracing the outline of my taped ribs, then making tickling circles around my navel and hip bones. She slips one finger beneath the waistband of my underwear.

I take my hand from Johanna's hair and trail it down her cheek before I meet hers at my pelvis. She moans into my neck. I tenderly press a kiss to her forehead.

"Katniss," she whispers, a hint of desperation in her trembling voice.

"I know," I murmur. I slip our clasped hands out from under my gown. I feel Johanna's eyelashes brushing my cheek. She stretches her neck and gives my lips the softest of kisses, ending this just the way it started.

We're sharing breath, our faces an inch apart. "Go to sleep," I whisper.

Johanna breathes deeply a few times, then she sighs, "Thank you." Without moving from the bed or even unwinding her fingers from mine, she closes her eyes. After a while, I do too.

When I wake, Johanna is still resting beside me. Our fingertips are just barely touching. We must have unwound our hands as we slept. I'm glad we're not sill so tightly intertwined. But I'm relieved that Johanna's skin is still brushing mine. We won't stop needing each other for a while yet.

**END**

A/N: Please R&R! Reviews feed my muse.

I'm taking prompts for my next fic. I don't do crossovers, parodies, or SYOT. I prefer to stay in hurt/comfort territory, but besides that, pretty much anything goes. Thanks guys!


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